Journal Entry # 8

I want to be spiritual in a different form – grasping all the knowledge available, for me to conform…

my crutch usually defines as me shutting down – and that’s an understatement; how hard is it to improve without feeling complacent? I wish I knew right now…

my focus is genuinely everywhere, and this forces me to make myself more alert, and more aware; even though deep down, at times, it can be hard to bear

in the middle of all of it; this time in my life will pass, and i will forgive, and learn from whatever it is i didn’t forget…

Journal Entry #7*

learning to separate the spirit from the emotion…

within myself is where peace truly live; especially, when you learn to forgive.

I am more pleased by my new behavior, it use to feel like failure …

I yearn to genuinely be humble; so, I stray from judgement – wouldn’t want my blessings to crumble…

it’s so much I want to do; being good at just one thing, has never been my mood!

ventilation*

Having more than sight is a totality living in this world, in this I don’t intend to rhyme because it isn’t something to play with; it’s just in me to say I  really don’t want to take the time out to think about what goes with what word – you know. I know for myself, personally if It’s meant to come out that way, so be it. I paint pictures for you to truly understand the shoes I fill; it may seem mediocre to the next person, looking at only the quality or the condition of its shell, but I stand in the rawness that’s living on the inside. You truly don’t know; this is fine though, this isn’t your obligation. Your main priority is to deal with you; be for you first. Being last hasn’t really shown it’s  best rewards, it’s almost giving the blessing God intended for you – to someone else.

That’s almost regifting something that was and is priceless, authentic, personalized just for you. How is that fair for you? You is really I, who happens to be me. Something I had to give up was my weakness to guilt; allowing people that should care about me, take full advantage for self-perseverance purposes. Shaking my head in real life – how can a pure heart do that; It doesn’t. Giving isn’t always good nor healthy; decisions are purposeful. The same way I may be picky with my food or even my men; why not be this way about my whole life. This seem to be the best way to live if I don’t just want to exist. Can I get a witness If you agree! Been waiting for this moment, to be free like this in the “comfort” of my own home. Bunny ears because being home isn’t always comfortable – I mean can I be real right now huh?  Just wanting to put it all out there doesn’t feel like such a bad idea depending on the choice of conversation.

Topics would be the formal word for those that laugh at the face of my format. Not realizing it was a poker face or cover page – you understand? No? Ok – check it, I mostly talk how I write, and it’s somewhat professional with a splash of hoodlum ha-ha! ultimately I call it just being me. People still look at me like a circus act though, and it’s cool. The joke is on them when they see how business is really handled. Then the respect is abundant. I’ll be clear, may I add – I don’t force it, if you love it, great. If you don’t, there’s always doors to walk through. The same way you walked in, you can walk out.

auditory sensation*

paying close attention to the blurred noise in this world; i’m more influenced by the frequent waves, that naturally replete without any twists and turns man may serve…

interlude

begging for better, writing an emotional letter – refraining from becoming sadder; aware of the thoughts that created the matter… but I am strong.

I believe i’ve held it in way too long, I’m not sure if I’m writing a poem or a song; all I know is, here, is where I belong… but I am also impulsive.

at least it’s acknowledged, I allow nothing to hold me bondage… but I must watch, and observe what I decide to seek, because everything wasn’t made for me…

disclosure*

justice is facing all circumstances with grace, because words are power, it’s always a time, and a place… take your time, this moment you cannot scour – there’s no need to move with haste, be patient in growth, be a flower… to do things out of love, can make one who may feel below average, rise above; give encouragement blindly, then pray that it is defining…

be confident at your lowest, give thanks even when it consists of your misfortunes; signify who you yearn to become, place oneself in the position to be second to none…

manifest your needs, and desires will inevitably follow; consistently expose the things that should change today, never wait for tomorrow; create some mental space, and free yourself from needless sorrow…

not just words*

Duende – the mysterious power of art to deeply move a person; heightened sense of passion.

Meriam – Webster

feeling everything is coming together; the story seem to be weathered.. I’m excited and humble, because I finally had plan that didn’t fold nor fumble…

locomote*

emancipating my worries has taught me how to release and not bury – for healing, you should never feel you have to be in a hurry…

time can be free if you use it wisely – I’ve made that mistake, but I also take responsibility, without any pride in me…

the world and I have a peculiar kinship with explicit boundaries [determining its ambience, even that varies] – I like to think that I transition similar to binaries…

my creativity doesn’t make sense until it’s employed to a circumstance that can seem [to me] immense; analyzing mistakes made by self infliction, can make the finish line appear farther down the road…

basically all I’m saying is I cannot complain if I am a willing to devote.


just imagine*


true love is when mother-nature wraps her arms around you, and to me, I see it as a profound move; I’m seeking things of a different attitude, and honestly, it gives me a better attitude… these things I say is true, it’s a challenge I’m not willing to lose…