The Gap in the Bridge*




exploring new paths with out a map; I’m experiencing a moment of relapse.

telling myself that this is normal; knowing damn well my behavior hasn’t been that formal.

my glands has released too much oxytocin; wanting nothing more than for time to go frozen.

what more can a person want, other than to be chosen?

my turn is coming really soon, so I will continue to humbly be patient until my life reflects a boon.

~ Europa

Journal Entry # 20

2 Timothy 3:16-17


I am authoring today, there are things I have in my heart, I want to say; I want to validly deliver these terms, in a certain way… So down below will express what I truly mean, in the way that I pray…


“All Scripture is inspired by God, and is useful to teach us what is true and what make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teach us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.”


I am soaking up many experiences I’ve had in yesteryear; seeing later on that I’ve been surrounded by people whose intent was hurt me as a whole – it’s been made very clear.

I present myself with necessary wisdom – marking the times where I win some and lose some; I’m comprehending that life is never going to stop throwing stones, it’s really up to us to focus, and stay in the proper zones.

Managing my inner-anger has had a plethora obstacles I have to go through, and as simple as it signs, there are things I know will be hard to do.

Plodding through my journey, so that I don’t miss anything; I know there’s a finish line close to this chapter, and it’s approaching faster than next spring…

Journal Entry # 18 and 19

18*

listening to a tune played by a special bird, it has a specific sound; I’m not sure if I’m the only who heard too, I just know I want hear it everyday now.

I’m seeing the small things others may overlook; life will really throw things at you, that you won’t find in any book.

face value defines this moment; observations show that only faith gives me strength to even think of hoping.

I’m being as honest as I can, I truly hope its showing.


19*

am I being repetitive because I express my main goal in different way? Or am I working it out to find a solution within this pain; I’m no longer approaching my affairs the same – my behavior is slowly becoming tamed.

I benefit from my “will” to be in control; I’ll rather be self taught, than to sell my soul… My journey is filled with many elements; beyond the naked eye, there’re blessings and accomplishments that only I can explain when it comes to its developments…

Journal Entry [interlude]

Gnarl*

moving on in my philosophy, can help to be more parallel; being aligned, whilst asking for support, always end with, “I wish you well.”

trying to enter a room without smite – doing my best to show hospitality, even when I may think it’s not right.

I have an insisting heart toward my aspirations; as I traveled many roads I’ve broken a great measure of curses, going back many generations.

finalizing the agreement I made to myself; Assuring each choice I make never hinder me, but help.

Journal Entry # 9

as positive as I want to appear, sadness do sometimes reflect in the mirror…

Ki

sitting in hiding, wanting to be rescued and recovered; my heart has been hardened, because with revealing myself, who I am, still hasn’t been discovered.

it’s almost like I know of something unknown; I’m not neglecting the time that was put in, but in this I found that I am alone.

this isn’t bad; it’s a sign that things are temporary, and eventually will be in the past.

I’m realizing that I cannot expect someone to reflect the same actions I would; saving and finding me, was a lesson that never understood.

I didn’t allow it to hinder my way, I’m the one who regulate my space; as eager as I am to completely make it around the circle, i will continue to stay in my lane

Journal Entry #7*

learning to separate the spirit from the emotion…

within myself is where peace truly live; especially, when you learn to forgive.

I am more pleased by my new behavior, it use to feel like failure …

I yearn to genuinely be humble; so, I stray from judgement – wouldn’t want my blessings to crumble…

it’s so much I want to do; being good at just one thing, has never been my mood!

un-Synchronized*

being struck in the brain with sudden decisions, gives me chills – to know I went through stuff I rather not spill; boy! I am truly gifted – anointed and chosen, I’m handling these blessings with precision, cherishing every moment;

often I’m afraid of losing my touch, knowing I embody the feeling; being myself never been so appealing; I’ve never asked for much; when will “whatever” be an actual endeavor? I want more than to be apart of a flock, of one feather;

the only subject that I bond with is my mind; with one other, that happens to be time – though, many realities are happening, yet, time hasn’t moved a bit! I can see these facets a mile away, running toward circumstance, because I just want to get it over with; I’ve never been the type to go astray;

jumping into overwhelming appointments – knowing I shouldn’t be so impulsive; trying to plan out my life making it a goal to be compulsive; I don’t know how to respond as I watch many sides of me – made it hard to be calm;

and in that moment, I found a new peace- for now on even when affairs aren’t pretty, I must always have the courage to speak!

I’m melting away all my fears, as I continue to look sternly in the mirror; In my heart I know eventually my sight will be clearer…

Rendezvous *

Churning the yolk of this relationship; 

Mentally spiraling about the whole bit 

Never felt so deeply about something – 

Grabbing ahold of a serious reality, 

That could be possible; patience is a vitality 

I don’t want this to be an “oh nothing” 

Im indulging too much I guess 

Getting to close; making me depressed 

Just a little only because this is the first time  

I’ve been impressed.. 

ventilation*

Having more than sight is a totality living in this world, in this I don’t intend to rhyme because it isn’t something to play with; it’s just in me to say I  really don’t want to take the time out to think about what goes with what word – you know. I know for myself, personally if It’s meant to come out that way, so be it. I paint pictures for you to truly understand the shoes I fill; it may seem mediocre to the next person, looking at only the quality or the condition of its shell, but I stand in the rawness that’s living on the inside. You truly don’t know; this is fine though, this isn’t your obligation. Your main priority is to deal with you; be for you first. Being last hasn’t really shown it’s  best rewards, it’s almost giving the blessing God intended for you – to someone else.

That’s almost regifting something that was and is priceless, authentic, personalized just for you. How is that fair for you? You is really I, who happens to be me. Something I had to give up was my weakness to guilt; allowing people that should care about me, take full advantage for self-perseverance purposes. Shaking my head in real life – how can a pure heart do that; It doesn’t. Giving isn’t always good nor healthy; decisions are purposeful. The same way I may be picky with my food or even my men; why not be this way about my whole life. This seem to be the best way to live if I don’t just want to exist. Can I get a witness If you agree! Been waiting for this moment, to be free like this in the “comfort” of my own home. Bunny ears because being home isn’t always comfortable – I mean can I be real right now huh?  Just wanting to put it all out there doesn’t feel like such a bad idea depending on the choice of conversation.

Topics would be the formal word for those that laugh at the face of my format. Not realizing it was a poker face or cover page – you understand? No? Ok – check it, I mostly talk how I write, and it’s somewhat professional with a splash of hoodlum ha-ha! ultimately I call it just being me. People still look at me like a circus act though, and it’s cool. The joke is on them when they see how business is really handled. Then the respect is abundant. I’ll be clear, may I add – I don’t force it, if you love it, great. If you don’t, there’s always doors to walk through. The same way you walked in, you can walk out.

encouragement 2*

blessings of greater cause, know that life never stops, it never pause; take advantage of each opportunity, be a leader that find joy among the team – take the time to enjoy unity….