Cogitation *

I've been in and out with writing in my book, then writing in this notebook. 
I really am enjoying the liberation that's manifesting in my life; I couldn’t have asked for a better breakthrough to receive. Going through the things I have going on is definitely a lot, knowing my circumstances, still, I keep smiling and laughing; making other people a priority to shadow the fact that I'm hurting in ways, I could never explain. Being myself has it's challenges; when you're supposed to be the one that brightens up the room, and make everyone's day with a smile so infectious, others can't help but share one back. Somedays I yearn to wear a frown, and not to be mean but to relax muscles that I have no desire to exercise, in those moments. Why is that not ok? I need breaks too. Without leaning towards complaining, I do my best to express my personal concerns about things I feel should and shouldn't happen and I move forward; at least that's what the outcome should be without any backlash, judgments, or gossip. People love to talk about you, just as much as they did with Jesus too.  

Falling in love with myself, wanting someone to share it with me,   Eartha Kitt said, and boy was she on to something!!  No reason at all for this, but I wanted to create a fantasy,  To create an environment of bliss, and tranquility!  Live within me, mold yourself around me my knight,  Give me the security you know I need, make this right!  Love me, be in love with me, support me, and encourage me. 

Tell me I am beautiful, even though I knew it already.  You want me to breakdown immensely;  With the gushiness of my vulnerable heart,  So you can say I was going to fold from the start…  Not going to happen, you know, I always go back to that,  He think he’s slick, but I’m putting this back in the sack   Had to rhyme that out like cat in the hat.. So you won’t have an idea  Of what I’m really saying, but I’m winning this check my stats.  Never lost a mental game, I’m always on ten toes,  

Even when I’m tilting, because I know people can go from doves to crows….  I have faith in you, more like spiritual hope, of what you’ll be to me  Loving my vibrations and energy doesn’t mean you may want eternity.. 

Although, I don’t feel that from him, and it’s relieving.  I just don’t want to be wrong again,   because this could definitely be deceiving.. 

  Hope not….No pressure though… 

Having bursts of thoughts, that never had intentions to be sought. It’s cute when you know what it is you need to do, when to submit and when to subdue, anyone or any issue.

My mind is going and going, like the how the energizer bunny be rolling, the intensity of my supposition is a rush of so many intensions. Good ones though, nothing resulting in malice,  but with love, care, and compassion. I can be so affectionate, people know that about me, especially if you’re my sweetie!

Off subject, but just making a point, or example if you may, I’m laying it down and just getting heavy today! I only want you to see what my vision is, it’s a beautiful sight, of things manifested through my strength and my might. Even though I’m in the storm, I have my umbrella and my trench coat to keep me warm.

The Lord is my shield and protector, hence the outerwear for the weather. I don’t want to dig to deep down in there with my metaphors, but I’m ripping these band aids off even with the sores! Because what’s done is done, you’ve already been hit, there’s no point in it to run. I’m now fighting back, throwing this knowledge, no need for a gun.

My intellect is my ammo, my thought process is the chamber, and my tongue is the trigger. I have no time to entertain foolishness, when I could be counting figures. The revenue I deserve, for all the hard work I do, because my purpose is to serve.

My heart is pure; always coming from a good space of energy, though, it can get dark when life sends mindless stupidity; that evolves into a test that I should’ve passed easily.

Again, I’ll learn, same lesson, different scenario; I’m going take it all, apply it, and learn not to go there anymore and to let it go…. 

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